The Worst Feeling

March 15, 2008, The day I have never felt so bad in my entire life. Most of you know what if feels like when your child gets hurt, for the unfortunately some you know what if feels like when you child gets hurt and its your fault. You bump their head, trip them on accident, they fall off the bed on your watch. I could go on and on and these are just our experiences. Zach is a pretty resilient kid, not a big cryer, if he does its less then minutes or so. Saturday Zach and I were playing on the couch. I was flying him around like a airplane, just horsing around. Then it happened. Its called Nursemaids Elbow it should be renamed to Irish Guilt elbow. I was holding Zach's arm he turned and some how his elbow was dislocated. He started crying like I have never heard before. I hurt my son and there was nothing I could do to make it better. All I could do is hold him in my arms and try to figure out what was wrong. Once he stopped crying, he would point to his arm and say boo boo. If I tried to touch it he would pull away saying "no daddy, no touch" That's the moment it hit me, I hurt him. I was the worst feeling ever. The thoughts that go through your mind are not any comfort. These questions keep running through your mind. Is the injury permanent, will he ever want to play with me again, will he remember, what do I do, what will the doctor think, etc... We drove to the After Hours Pediatrics at Waterford Lakes with tears in my eyes. Thinking back, Zach wasn't crying as much as I was. What a trooper. We get to the pediatrics and with in a half hour Zach is holding a Popsicle in the arm he couldn't move 5 mins earlier. It wasn't as bad as I first thought but try telling yourself that while its happening. So Zachs first trip to after hours care came and went and only Dad is worst for the ware.